CHUKA University -THE REAL

21/02/2021

Inflow Inventory management solution

12/01/2021

Post Covid plans will need a lot of restructuring, both operationally and financially.
Economic experts suggest that the economic shocks that follow the prolonged pandemic period may be a cause of collapse for businesses that lack financial and economic stability.
Don't wait, get your financial policies and plans in order. Do your budgets and forecasts, not for survival, but for growth. This needs to come with a boom.
Message us today.

08/06/2018

Mild step it is, 2000+ and going. Lets go big people, its time for the world to see us

this is where all stakeholders interact to make a better place the best.

22/01/2017

With the rising political temperatures both in the country and back at Chuka University, it is our responsibility as educated youth to ensure prevalence of peace and love. The choice of our future leaders should be based on their visions and character rather than ethnic background. Those leaders who rise to power on the simple basis of their ethnicity lack good judgement and tend not to hold themselves accountable to their electorates. Remember, an outsider employee serves better than one from your own family. Be critical of these aspirants and make rational and informed decisions.

This time Ladies and Gentlemen, I advise you, Use the expanse of your Minds and not your Hearts.

10/05/2016

NOTICE TO ALL STUDENTS
This is to inform you that there will be a meeting on 11th Wednersday May 2016 of all the students in session with our Vice-Chancelor and the Chairman of University Council as from 09:00_Am at the Pavilion grounds. There will be no lectures as from this time.
You are hereby requested to attend.
Thank you.

Rutto Dickson
CUSA-OFFICE OF SEC-GEN

09/05/2016

The court now orders readmission of expelled Chuka University students

http://www.capitalfm.co.ke/news/2016/05/chuka-university-ordered-readmit-36-expelled-students/

By CORRESPONDENT, NAIROBI, Kenya, May 9 – The High Court on Monday ordered 36 students expelled from Chuka University to return to the institution and continue with their studies. Justice Weldon Korir said the decision to expel the students was unlawful, saying that they ought to have been given an…

08/05/2016

Chuka University bloggers got us amazed!!

http://chukaunigossip.blogspot.com/2016/05/top-7-chuka-university-socialites-exposed.html

The Complete List: Click here to check out all the top seven campus socialites/divas in Chuka University.

08/05/2016

A female class teacher was having a problem with
a boy in her class in 3rd grade. The boy said
"Madam, i should be in 4th grade, i'm smarter than
my sister and she's in 4th grade".
The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to
the principal.
The principal decided to test the boy with some
questions from 4th grade
Principal: What is 3+3
Boy: 6
Principal: 6+6
Boy: 12
The boy got all questions right.
The principal then told the Madam to send the boy
to 4th grade immediately.
Madam decided to ask her questions and the
principal agreed.
Madam: What does a cow have 4 of,that i've only 2
Boy: Legs
Madam: What is in your pants that i don't have
Boy: pockets
Madam: What starts wit a C and ends with T, is
hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid
Boy: Coconut
Madam: What goes in hard and then comes out soft
and sticky
(The principal's eyes open really wide,but before he
could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge)
Boy: Bubble gum
Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me
down to get me up, I get wet before you do
Boy: Tent
(The principal was looking restless)
Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me
when you are bored. The best man always has me
first
Boy: Wedding ring
Madam: I come in many sizes. When i'm not well, i
drip. When you blow me,you feel good
Boy: Nose
Madam: I've a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates,I come
with a quiver
Boy: Arrow
Madam: What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if
you don't get it, you've to use your hand
Boy: Fork
Madam: What is it that all men have, it's longer in
some men than others,the Pope doesn't use his and
a man gives it to his wife after marriage
Boy: surname
Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has
muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is
responsible for making love
Boy: Heart
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to
the Madam 'Send this BLOODY boy to the
University...even myself got all answers wrong.

02/05/2016

CUSA OFFICE 2016

May 1
Our Dean of Students Dr. Micheni has been given promotion to become Principal Rubate TTC soon will have new dean of students.

02/05/2016

Things you DO NOT DO under the influence...

Wherether the substance is prescribed or freely imbibed, there are certain things that you should never do under the influence:

1. DO NOT drive or operate any machinery. You might lose life or limb, yours and others.

2. DO NOT sleep in an unfamiliar bed with anybody, you might wake up to a surprise.

3. DO NOT disclose your Mpesa balance or discuss how lucrative it is to sell your plot, house, fridge or shoes. Above all, DO NOT sell anything that is on you. You will need that watch or jacket tomorrow.

4. DO NOT post on any social media platform or whatsapp groups. You may not recognize the colour, grammar or meaning of your language. You may lose more than friends. Switch off WiFi and mobile data on your phone. Use it to order uber and to keep reading this message.

5. DO NOT resolve that outstanding issue with your spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, siblings, family or boss. Above all, this is not the time to speak your mind or share some hometruths. You could do irreparable damage that you never intended.

6. However lucrative it may sound, DO NOT commit to any business deals with your drinking buddies. All deals, like all ladies, look sweeter under the influence.

7. However easy they may appear, DO NOT attempt any physical fits beyond walking to and from the loo, or to that uber you ordered. The on-coming vehicle is closer, faster and larger than you think. The road and swimming pool are always wider than they look. The floodwater is always more and faster than it looks. The ground is not as near as it looks from that balcony. And that lady is heavier than she looks!

8. DO NOT visit those relatives or friends you have not seen in ages (yours and theirs). They could mistake you for somebody else and be prone to dispensing instant justice. Should they invite you in, DO NOT borrow anything from their house with the genuine intention of returning or repaying. You will not.

9. In any social setting, DO NOT play Martin Luther King, Luther Vandross or Albert Einstein. What you hear is not necessarily what everybody else around you is hearing. Practice your singing and inspirational speeches in your shower when you get home, for a number of years. When the water stops singing or speaking back to you, go to your place of worship and thank God for your gift, after you dress up.

10. In the event that you have done ALL the DO NOTs above, DO NOT be too hard on yourself and withdraw from society - we, your genuine band of brothers, are a forgiving lot (but you have probably tested us already).

We welcome and assist those who wake up (no pun intended) to the realisation that a different path would be more fulfilling. Let me share a quote from somebody you are familiar with, for different reasons: "A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step." - Confucius.

In your case, that may mean NOT taking that first step towards your drinking joint.

30/04/2016

WIFI HOT-SPOT WITHIN CAMPUS
We are pleased to inform you the following areas have a strong WiFi connections:
SCIENCE BLOCK
1. S207 corridor(2nd floor)
2. S501 corridor(5th floor)
3. First floor area around Registra Academics office.
BUSINESS COMPLEX.
1. BSR 2nd floor wing A and B
2. BSR Main entrance
3.BSR 4th floor
4.BSR Library
LADIES AND HOSTELS(RUNDA)
1. 1st floor staircase
PREFABS
Behind Chemistry labs
LIBRARY
Ground and second floor
PAVILION
Graduation site
MEDICAL
At the clinic
WESTERN HOSTEL
Infront of the custodian office
EASTERN A HOSTEL
Eastern A hostel corridor .
You can also access the student portal at your convenient place without any restrictions.