12/11/2024
**MY RULES AS A BOYFRIEND IN THIS ERA**
1. No male best friends. They can get too comfortable and flirty.
2. Engaging in unhealthy practices, including va**ng, is prohibited.
3. Don’t send me selfies after you've already posted them. I can’t vibe with secondhand selfies.
4. If you mention, "My ex used to..." then you can go right back to him because we’re not the same. I still have hair.
5. Your friends shouldn't know my personal business or feel comfortable discussing it.
6. No senseless tattoos; I won’t be embarrassed in front of my family. Yes, they will mock me at dinners!
7. You better not drink beer; be a lady. Wine is acceptable in moderation.
8. If a video of you twerking goes online, we’re done.
9. Be accountable: take responsibility and apologize when necessary.
10. My friends are not your friends (negotiable).
11. If you hug a guy and he picks you up, you better stay up there.
12. If you wish a celebrity or influencer a happy birthday when they don’t follow you, we’re done. I won’t let my girl become a groupie.
13. Don’t go to parties that another guy invited you or your friends to. My girl won’t be there to boost the ratio.
14. If we go out and the bouncer or promoter knows you and hugs you while lifting you off the ground, they can have you.
15. If I say I don’t have money and you post something like, "Someone send a cute girl Trans ID, please," then we’re done.
16. If you need to gossip, talk to me. A group of broke people chilling together and discussing others is what I call a non-profit organization.
17. If we’re dating, we’re doing it for marriage (even though I hate the idea). I won’t date for fun; I’m too old for that. You should know that in this house, we put God first, family second, and business third. Everything else, put aside for lesure.
