09/03/2022
How to Become Emotionally Mature
Some people have this magical touch.
They can stay calm even in the eye of the storm. Nothing fazes them.
They can even make their enemies feel comfortable in their skin. People around them trust them and depend on them for advice. How are these people different?
Short answer - they are emotionally mature.
And here's how you can become like them as well:
1. Accept Responsibility
Stop being a victim. Something went wrong because of an action you took or a decision you made. Now you have the responsibility to pull things back on track. You cannot change others. But you can change your views, your actions, or the words you use.
“The best years of your life are the ones in which you decide your problems are your own. You do not blame them on your mother, the ecology, or the president. You realize that you control your own destiny.”
- Albert Ellis
2. Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is the best way to build the ability to think about your thinking. Learn to identify your emotions and recognize how you feel. Understand how these affect your mood:
- your diet
- your energy levels
- your level of improvement
- your quality of sleep etc
To win over others, you need to win over yourself first
3. *Set Healthy Boundaries*
State what is acceptable to you and what’s not, then state the consequence. Someone violated your boundaries, then follow through with the consequences. Your boundaries will only push away those whom you would rather not have in your life.
4. *Don't Trust your First Impulse*
Knee-jerk reactions come from ideas and conclusions you learned before you were 7 years old. That's how little in control you are.bSo learn to take a pause. Let your values and principles govern your response, not your emotions.
5. *Walk a Mile in Other's Shoes*
Work on being less judgmental. Feeling offended?
Try to think from the other person’s perspective. Stop imagining others as either a monster or a fool. The trick is to figure out what they are afraid of. Then find out what they need to feel safe. Deliver that, and they are yours.
6. *Apologize*
Apologies are hard to spit out. But apologizing doesn’t mean you are admitting a flaw in your character. An apology is a way to acknowledge the other persons’ hurt. And your role in their pain. So recognize when you screwed up and be quick to apologize.
Be real, authentic, and vulnerable. Don’t try to look perfect. It pushes people away from you.
People want to know you’re flawed and genuine.
They feel safer with you if you are.
7. *Counter Disappointment with Grace*
Life is going to disappoint you – a lot. Get used to it.
You are allowed to get upset. But you are not allowed to revel in it. Express your feelings, identify the actions you can take, and move on.
Have faith, even when things go wrong, you will survive.
8. Accept Criticism
Reach out for feedback, accept them even if they feel hurtful and bitter at first. That hurt would go away, but choose to stay ignorant, and the damage would be irreversible.
And when someone gives you constructive criticism without asking?
Treasure them and the feedback.
Never assume that the other person is mistaken.
Or that they are trying to humiliate you.
9. *Stay Grateful and Generous*
Practice what I said and you will become joyful.
Turn that happiness into generosity. Give without any expectation of returns.
Emotional maturity is surplus energy.
That surplus energy will manifest as generosity. Like a tree bearing fruit once it’s grown. Offer helpful services to others to spread your own wealth and joy.
You will feel even deeper levels of pleasure, satisfaction, and gratitude.
TL;DR
- Accept Responsibility
- Practice Mindfulness
- Set Healthy Boundaries
- Don't Trust Your First Impulse
- Walk a Mile in Other's Shoes
- Apologize
- Counter disappointment with Grace
- Accept Criticism
- Stay Grateful and Generous
Emotional maturity is not a magical trait.
It’s for everyone.
It’s difficult to build.
But it's not impossible to learn.
Emotional maturity allows you to be in control of yourself.
It helps you grow, and connect with others in a meaningful way.
