24/09/2021
He WAS my first love
I can't say we are perfect couple. We were just these ordinary teenagers sa CSU who are making the most out of it but somehow, it fell apart. Busy kami. There are times na ilang araw na wala kaming usap. I have research tapos siya may field study.
And then days turned into weeks.
At first, it did not bother me. Iniisip ko, if we trust and love each other that much, even if we do not have time, kakayanin namin. Then there came one day na we are going to meet at his apartment for dinner. I was really excited because birthday ko kinabukasan. Infact, I was planning to have a sleepover kasi hindi naman kami busy kinabukasan. (Don't worry hindi kami magchuchucchakan)
Busy ako kumakain ng mga inihanda nya 9 since matakaw po talaga ako at gutom po ako) super silent so I decided to break it.
"Do we have any plans for tomorrow? It would be great since wala tayong pasok both (Bagyo kasi at nadeclare na walang pasok). Pwede tayong luma-
"AYOKO NA".
Gets ko yung sinabi nya, but I acted like I did not and said, " Sige, I won't bother you tomorrow, but may I sleep here for tonight.
"Di mo ba ako narinig?! Ayoko na. Pagod na ako. I want to break up with you.
I will lie and I am a hypocrite if I say it did not pierced my heart because it did. Big time.
"Do not bother asking why. You are too plain and boring. Hindi ko nga alam kung paano kita natagalan. Naawa lang siguro ako sayo." he said. God knows how I wanted to to talk. Gusto kong magsalita pero wala akong masabi. I was speechless. My world turned upside down, but I decided to remain calm. I did not react. I simply continued eating while he crossed his arms on his chest. Nagsalita ulit siya. "Sabi ko magbreak na tayo. ALam kong matalino ka kaya gets mo yun".
First, narinig ko, pangalawa, wag mo na ulitin(sobrang sakit na kasi) and third, Tang-ina mo! pwede ba patapusin mo muna akong kumain? Pero, syempre hindo ko sinabi yan. Hindi ko kayang sigawan siya. Ayokong makipag away. Mas masakit at mas mabigat sa pakiramdam. I told him, I'll just finish my food.
He mumbled, "unbelievable" pero hinayaan lang nya ako kumain. I also washed the dishes dahil alam kong ayaw nyang naghuhugas. Kinuha ko yung bag ko, pero bago ako umalis, kinausap ko siya." Pwede bang gawin mo for the last time yung ginagawa mo pag umaalis ako?"
"Are you out of your mind? Masasaktan kalang. (pucha, he talks as if he doesn't want me to be hurt when he is the one who is really hurting me right now)
"hindi. After this I won't bother you and act like I don't know you. I will try my best para hindi na magcross yung worlds and paths natin. I promise" He sighed, but he grabbed my hand and let our fingers intertwine. I smiled kasi gagawin nya ulit yung lagi nyang ginagawa before ako uuwi. But that smile turned into a bittersweet nang maalala kong he will be doing it for the last time pero I wanted to live the moment. Gusto ko.
Nasa pintuan na kami ng tumigil siya, He looked at me and smiled then, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer. "5 minutes pa love", sabi nya. I swear, it made me feel at ease, cared and loved. Ito yung moment na I feel like ayaw nya ako pakawalan. I hugged him back and it lasted for more than 5 minutes. Then he cupped my face and planted a kiss on my forehead and said "i love you".
I smiled even if it hurts kasi dati pag sinasabi nya yun, punung puno ng pagmamahal yung mga mata nya. Ngayon, his eyes are empty. He kissed the tip of my nose "i love you". My right cheek "i love you". then my left "i love you". Just like yung ginagawa nya dati. And then he gave me a peck on my lips before saying the words i will be longing to hear, " i love you" God, it made my heart flutter.
He smiled a little, and that smile still have the power to make my heart sink. Binitawan nya pagkakahawak sa mukha ko. " Ano, okay kana? You can now go".
I gave him a reassuring smile as I nodded. "Thank you and I am sorry if I am not the one. Take care of yourself and please never forget to smile". With that, naglakad ako papalayo. Narinig ko yung pagclose nya ng pinto and I wanted to look back, but I told myself, "WAG".
Nang nasa eskinita na ako ng Caritan Alley ____ papuntang highway, dun lang nagsink in sa akin na wala na. Wala nang kami. Wala na talaga kami. Sunod sunod yung pagtulo ng luha ko na kanina ko pa pinipigilan. I can't let him see na umiiyak ako. Na nasasaktan ako.
Ang sakit. God, ang sakit, He was my first love. I though he will be my last. I thought kami until the end. Hindi pala.
Nasa highway na ako when I checked my Mickey Mouse watched na regalo nya last year sa anniversary namin.
I saw it struck 12. Mickey mouse smiled bitterly at me. Then I whispered, Happy 1st anniversary mickey and happy birthday "SELF".
Posted by CSUFiles1 on November 5, 2017
Based on a thread post of
