Dear Blue Staffers

10/17/2025

They will be checking your political affiliation at the Registrar's office next.

10/14/2025

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SXpTFZviHEs

You're not allowed to talk about it, but....🤫 ☠️Subscribe to my Substack: https://pleasuretoburn.substack.com/If you appreciate my content, please support i...

08/31/2025

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jN00Yqjv9i4

Academic Decision-Making

05/15/2025

Investing in you: A budget that puts our people first

Oh, joyous day! Gather round, ye stalwart employees of the University of Kentucky, for our benevolent overlord, President Eli Capilouto, hath bestowed upon us a cornucopia of riches in his latest budget message. Prepare to be dazzled by the munificence of a 1.5% salary increase—an increase so vast, so generous, that it almost keeps pace with the inflation rates of a stagnant economy on a good day... in an alternate universe!

In a stroke of sheer economic wizardry, our fearless leader announces these raises, which shall surely allow every employee to now comfortably afford half a pair of socks monthly—oh, the luxury! It's the 12th time in 13 years they've done this, a tradition as cherished as annual budget cuts disguised as strategic efficiencies.

And let’s not forget the monumental expansion of parental and elder care leave. From two weeks to four? From one week to two? My heart swells with gratitude. Who needs a living wage when you can instead bask in the glow of an extra week off to care for your newborn or elderly loved ones? This must be what financial security feels like—no wonder it felt so unfamiliar.

But wait! There’s more! Two additional paid holidays are on offer. One could almost hear the collective gasps from the throngs of employees, overwhelmed by the prospect of not one, but two whole days to recuperate from their 363 other days of toil. And for our comrades in UK HealthCare, fear not—you too get extra days off, schedule permitting, of course, because the flu and broken bones courteously observe public holidays.

And in a thrilling climax to this saga of fiscal generosity, there's a nod to the "complexity" of this budget. It’s so complex, in fact, that it can only be fully understood by those with advanced degrees in cryptic administration-speak. We're promised more choices in healthcare plans, where “more” is a relative term, loosely translated to “more expensive.”

Truly, we are led by visionaries who see beyond the petty needs of "competitive salaries" or "cost of living adjustments" to the grand vision of making Kentucky healthier, wealthier, and wiser—mostly by ensuring its university staff remain too poor to leave and too tired to complain.
So, my fellow underpaid academics, let us rejoice in our two extra days of holiday cheer and our colossal 1.5% pay rise. After all, in the grand tapestry of university finance, every microscopic thread counts—even if it doesn’t quite cover the rent.

01/25/2025

01/23/2025

Office for Faculty Advancement now offering coaching for faculty and staff
By John Oliver

Are you ready to tackle new challenges, transition seamlessly into destitution, or determine how to fork over more of your paycheck for your career? Working with a coach at our university can help you navigate these treacherous waters with the finesse of a pirate sailing the corporate seas!

What is coaching, really?
Coaching is a seemingly empowering, ongoing relationship designed to help you focus on realizing your vision of paying ever-increasing tuition and embracing untenable work conditions. With a professional coach, you'll get the tools and support to empower you to accept obstacles as insurmountable and facilitate change (from your pocket to ours.)

Is coaching the same as advising or consulting?
An advising or consulting agreement typically uses the knowledge of the advisor to assist a leader in decision making. Here, however, we’re more focused on extracting every dime while pretending to empower you. Our coaching engagement is about partnering with you as you identify steps to meet our revenue goals, not yours.

Is coaching therapy?
Absolutely not, coaching is not therapy. While therapy aims to heal, coaching at our institution focuses on strategic planning around personal financial depletion for the benefit of our evil overlord’s bank account. Should emotional trauma arise from tuition fees or overwork, we will refer you to external professionals, as that’s your own problem.

How does it work?
You’ll have an initial session where we decide how best to align your career goals with our financial strategies. This could be in person, or via Zoom, especially if we detect you haven’t paid your technology fee and need to remind you.

What about the training in coaching?
Each of our coaches has endured over 72 hours of coursework, ensuring they are well-versed in the arts of persuasion and financial extraction. This rigorous training is accredited by the International Coaching Federation of Fiscal Extraction.

Is there a cost to the coaching?
The best part—it's free for us! We offer coaching as part of our work to support the strategic financial initiatives of the university. Note, however, that students have access to Integrated Success Coaching, which is just a fancy way of saying we integrate successful strategies to maximize your financial contributions to our cause.

How do I get started?
Reach out directly to one of us, your future financial coaches, and we will schedule your first session. To minimize the risk of you catching on to our strategies, we might shuffle you between our four expert coaches.

Potential coaching topics to choose from:
Managing and interacting with people you find financially exploitable: Learn how to identify and maximize profits from interactions.
Academic career advancement: How to work longer hours for less pay and thank us for the opportunity.
Administrative or leadership career advancement: Master the art of increasing administrative fees while maintaining a facade of leadership integrity.
Interviewing skills: Learn how to promise everything but deliver nothing.
Time management: Perfecting the art of squeezing 25 hours of work into your 24-hour day.
Leadership skill development: Become the leader who knows how to delegate their personal life for office hours.
New to leadership: Learn how to navigate being overworked and underpaid while still appearing grateful.
Work-Life Integration: We’ll teach you theoretical concepts since practical application is frankly impossible here.

Ready to be coached into financial and professional oblivion? Contact us in the Provost's office today!

01/22/2025

University Administration facing tough decisions.

01/21/2025

When the mission statement and actions perfectly align!