James Redus Institution (Redus U)

James Redus Institution (Redus U) It's good. Real good. For you

09/10/2022

Due to the ongoing drought, all water in campus fountains will be replaced with guava paste until further notice.

- JRI Dept. of Pressurized Liquids

12/25/2017

We're just going to say it...we have a lot of problems with you people.

Happy Festivus
- JRI Dept. of Holidays & Cheer

06/27/2017

Thank you all for your concerned letters and phone calls, after discovering the giant hole on campus, which appeared in the most recent Google Maps update.

On a recommendation to make next year's famous Outdoor Springtime Clambake & Concert even more exciting, we have decided to install a giant subwoofer under the "Events Field"!

The final diameter of the custom built cone will be 300 feet, and will require the rest of campus to be shutdown in order to not implode the campus power plant.

Currently, however, it is just a big hole...
and we've put a slide in it.

$5 a ride

- JRI Dept. of Depths, Trenches, and Subterranean Development

04/25/2017

While the old adage says "April showers bring May flowers", this only applies to RAIN showers. This excuse will no longer be accepted by people showering frogs onto students and faculty from rooftops.

With this influx of amphibians also destabilizing the ecosystem, we will exclusively be serving frogs legs in the cafeteria until further notice.

-JRI Aquatic Judicial Court

12/04/2016

A friendly reminder on behalf of two of our WONDERFUL on-campus sponsored fraternities:

Well, the Holiday season is among us once again!

As we celebrate this Non-Denominational Winter Gift-Giving Seaon, please remember that it is cold outside.

We don't know how so many of you keep forgetting this...it's practically a tundra out there...

Put on a damn shirt!

- JRI Chapters of Fruit of the Loom House & The Hanes International Brotherhood

11/02/2016

It has come to our attention that the goblins running around campus all weekend were in fact not a Halloween gimmick. We realize that now since they are still terrorizing the playgrounds into November. This situation has gone from adorable and festive to concerning and smelly really quick.

We would ask the Dimensional Portals Club to investigate the situation right away as the Woodland Critters 201 class is missing after surveying the goblin's hole near the sand box.

Apologies for dismissing your cries for help as holiday banter.

Stay safe, but don't stay spooky anymore.

-JRI Human/Extraterrestrial/Gnome Resources

09/22/2016

Who's ready for another great year at JRI!?!?
So are we!

Or at least we were....

We've seen some things....

Please use caution.

- JRI Dept. Of Time and Travel

05/10/2016

Congratulations to JRI Alum Cj Harper for recently completing a "final paper"!

For those who aren't familiar, CJ graduated with a dual minor in Papers and Last Things.
We couldn't be prouder!

For more success stories, visit our website and request a brochure.

04/27/2016

It has come to our attention that some colleges and universities only allow their graduating seniors to have one Cap 'n' Gown™ per person.

Here at JRI, we give you two.

One for me, and one for you.

- JRI Dept. of Cloaks

02/11/2016

To whomever keeps leaving the "Imma Chug This" notes after stealing the boxes of Coca Cola syrup from the soda fountains...

Please stop.

That's just so hideous...
Like...you have to know how stupid that is...
You're in college...
Please...

- JRI Dept. of Syrups

01/24/2016

We apologize for the recent confusion regarding the campus bookstore. Yes, it is being stylized into a royal horse stable!

Due to an unforseen licensing issue, we were forced to do a complete renovation and name change.

For those of you concerned about the cost, don't worry. We've saved money by merely removing one of the letters in the original signage.

- JRI "Barns & Noble" Campus Bookstore

07/01/2015

Summer is an eventful time for colleges in terms of repairs and maintenance. We'd like to update the public on some of the projects that are set to be complete for the fall semester!

1. Rent-a-hippogriff: We all remember the tragedies that befell the campus when the Rent-a-chimera program was established to try and help transportation around campus. However, our medieval club has promised us that hippogriffs are far more friendly and tamable than their snake-tailed cousins. And the oracle club has not foreseen any issues with it so look forward to this in the fall!

2. Glass Windows: We're updating our windows to meet 17th century standards after multiple complaints that our current plastic wrap windows don't actually do anything. You win this round students/faculty.

3. We are discontinuing our food service program which allowed students to trade magic beans, golden goose eggs, and other magical artifacts to pay for food on campus. However, clever riddles and secret codes to underground bunkers WILL still be accepted.

Look for these and other new updates around campus in the upcoming semesters!

-JRI Dept. of Academic Fairs

Address

222 Good For You Boulevard
Lovely, KY
22832

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